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Caged Animals

Now I know why our cats used to like me so much, I had never taken them to the veterinarian.  My wonderful wife has been taking care of our two cats, Tangerine and Shadow, for eleven years, until yesterday.  Don’t ever make the mistake in thinking that your pets are just dumb animals.  They instinctively know you inside and out.  I think they can read minds.  I’m certain that they just allow Grandma and me to live here with them.  Anyway, it took me thirty minutes to catch our cats because they knew before I did that they were going to the vet.  They even knew how to place their paws on the outside of the doors of their cages to keep me from pushing them inside.
I have to tell you, I’ve never before heard the kind of sounds coming from our cats when I placed their cages in the front seat of my car.  It was unbelievable.  You would think they were dying a slow, painful death.  Shadow cried like a baby and I think Tangerine would have been a little better if she had been by herself, but eventually she joined in.  I prayed a policeman would not stop me for anything, as he would surely arrest me for animal cruelty.  So I talked to them and turned the music up and sang songs, but no use.  I was the bad guy and they were letting me know it.  
When I finally got to the vet, there was only one parking space.  That should have been my first sign to turn around and go back home.  As I entered the veterinary hospital with a cage in each hand, there were six people with seven pets ranging from a golden retriever that was as big as a horse to another cat smaller than mine.  I was greeted to more howling and growling with owners pulling on leashes.  It was busy, behind schedule and loud, kind of like my doctor’s office.  There were no seats available, so I had to ask for a chair.  
I arrived at 9:05 for a 9:20 appointment.  “Good luck” should have been written over the admission desk.  I was led to the patient’s room at 10:10.  The young girl began to ask me questions about Tangerine and Shadow.  I played dumb and handed her the piece a paper with the info my wife had written out for me.  Our cats were simply there for their yearly checkup.  They were to be weighed, have their eyes and ears checked and be looked over in general.  I was to purchase some medication for heart worms.  
When she took Tangerine out of the cage first, the orange and white hair on this poor cat came out in clumps.  I was shocked as she explained to me that Tangerine was just scared and that a burst of adrenaline would create this mess.  There was enough hair on the table now to stuff a pillow.  But there was good news, Tangy had lost some weight.  Shadow was next and he was so aggravated that she decided to wait for the doctor to weigh him.  Shadow hissed and made noises I had never heard before.  The look on my face must have been enough to shoe her away as she turned and left.  
Finally, at 10:30, the Vet shows up, a nice looking and acting man, who has never seen me before.  With him are three other females who appear to be in training.  He too begins to ask questions and I point to the note.  He apologizes for the wait and begins to check the cats.  Shadow has gained weight which is even better news.  Again they hiss, howl, and now some grey hair too is flying everywhere.  Grandma had written something about some previous blood work for Shadow and the Vet asked me again.  So I called Grandma.  After a brief discussion, the Vet said to Grandma, “I think your husband is ready to give this job back to you.”  He could not have been more correct.  You would not believe what it cost for him to tell me my cats were in great shape.  Heck, we both knew that; it’s Grandma and me that are having the issues.
Guess what, the howling did not stop on the way home.  Shadow and Tangerine may never acknowledge my presence again.  We arrived home right at 11:00 AM and they were set free.  I’m sure they are plotting against me as I type.  

      Andy Purvis

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